For one good day

what constitutes a "right" decision when it is not only causing yourself, but the person you loved so much pain? this is the thought that i've been struggling with for the past month, hell of a month.

i felt it was truly unfair to him when he so wanted to marry me in the near future but i can't imagine spending the rest of our lives together. i don't trust myself because i know i will hurt him again, its just a matter of time. mostly, there is no when, or why, or how, but i realized that i fell out of love long time ago.

the funny thing is, people can be so self-righteous. when you are the one doing the dirty deed, people will automatically take the opposite side, telling you what you ought to be doing, when really what you should be doing is to tell them to mind their own bloody business.

i'm not exactly getting good deal here. he was my best friend and boyfriend for more than 6 years. it took a lot of strength to end this relationship because i know that we won't be happy in the long run. and knowing how deeply i've hurt him and how much he explicitly hates me, does not make it any easier for me to sleep at night.

i'm not asking for sympathy, just some privacy.

(and one good day).